(Issue 27: April, 2010) by Mary Cullen
Last month, I wrote about the pandemic of business-speak. This issue offers a strategy reminder and a tool to measure your business writing clarity.
Good strategy is summarized by Mark Twain, Ralph Waldo Emerson, and even the A-Team's Mr. T.:
- "I notice that you use plain, simple language, short words and brief sentences. That is the way to write English - it is the modern way and the best way. Stick to it; don't let fluff and flowers and verbosity creep in." - Mark Twain
- "It is not enough to write so that you can be understood; you must write so clearly that you cannot be misunderstood." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
- "Don't gimme none o' that jibba-jabba!" - Mr. T
A good tool is the
Readability Measurement within Microsoft Office and Outlook. By default, the "Spelling & Grammar Check" feature is enabled, and of course you should always run it to check for typos and errors. It is not infallible, but it will flag many errors.
The Readability Measurement must be enabled, and will assess: 1. Words per sentence (average)
2. Percentage of passive sentences
3. Flesch Reading Ease score
4. Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level.
Why paying attention to these four readouts can improve your writing:
- Words per sentence - In general, the longer the sentence, the harder it becomes for your reader to follow along. That's not to say you should always write in short sentences. Instead, strive for a variety that makes for interesting and engaging reading.
- Percentage of sentences written in the passive voice measures the readability of your text as the ratio of passive sentences over active sentences.
The lower the score, the better. Active sentences are nearly always easier to read and understand, thus making your message clearer and more persuasive. Aim for a score less than 20%.
- The Flesch Reading Ease (FRE) is the standard test of readability used by the U.S. Department of Defense for its documents and forms. It indicates how easy it is to read a given document.
The results can be between 0 and 100. The higher the score, the easier it is to understand what you have written. For example, a typical issue of Reader's Digest earns an FRE score of around 65 while Time Magazine scores in the low 50's. Lincoln's Gettysburg Address scores a 74.2. One way to score higher is to use shorter sentences.
The results can be interpreted as following:
- 0-29 - very confusing & hard to read
- 30-49 - difficult to read
- 50-59 - fairly difficult
- 60-69 - standard
- 70-79 - fairly easy
- 80-89 - easy
- 90-100 - very easy
Recommendation: A score of 60 or more. Higher is better. Even for business documents, a score of 60 is very achievable and it takes only a few edits to obtain it.
- Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level (FKGL) measure translates the Flesch Reading Ease measure to a grade level. The grade level means the number of years of education generally required to understand a text. For example, a score of 9.4 would indicate that the text is expected to be understandable by an average student in the 9th grade. Most newspapers in the U.S. are written at a seventh to eighth grade level.
Recommendation: 8.0 to 10.0 is a good target, but lower is better because it reflects language clarity, not content complexity.
In business writing one should "write to express, not to impress." This does not mean you should dumb down your ideas and concepts. Instead, it requires you to express them with clean language.
These measurements are not perfect. They only assess the textual structure of your document, not content. But, they will provide snapshot measurements to diagnose the textual clarity in your documents.
Error: Hunt and Correct
This paragraph contains an error. Find and correct it:
Last year's sales reports and salary structures prove that profit-sharing plans incentivize employees to meet sales goals. Sales were 8% higher for those employees who received a bonus based on their profitability, instead of their longevity.
Find the answer here: business writing grammar hunt answered.
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(Issue 26: March, 2010) by Mary Cullen
I sat in on a conference call yesterday, and heard the phrase "authenticity parameter" used. I was puzzled. Did this mean the edges of truth? Later in the call, the same speaker said his company was built by "authentic people." I hope so. Can fake people build a company?
Business-speak and jargon are the terms I use to describe overused, meaningless words which hide honest communication. Business-speak hurts communication, customer perception, and clouds meaning. "Authentic" was once a lovely word that meant genuine and real. No longer. It's applied to everything from staff to servers to company profiles, and it is parroted so often it has lost meaning.
Oxford University's Top Ten Irritating Business Phrases for 2009:
1 - At the end of the day
2 - Fairly unique
3 - I personally
4 - At this moment in time
5 - With all due respect
6 - Absolutely
7 - It's a nightmare
8 - Shouldn't of
9 - 24/7
10 - It's not rocket science
Our business writing blog
readers shared terms that irritate them:
"We're a truly global business in every sense of the word." (Truly global? What? As opposed to only partially global? And in every sense of what word? Global? Oh, like "spherical"?)
"Going forward." (What other direction is possible?)
"Reach out" to someone. (As in "We reached out to our stakeholders.")
"Stakeholders"
"Additionally" (What happened to "and" and "also?")
"To bite the bullet" (I hear it used all the time and it evokes these images of the War of Independence and it usually is being used by city-types who don't look like they've been outdoors recently.)
"First and foremost," and "first of all." (These are already written on the first part of the letter, there's no need to say "first...")
"It is what it is." (I suspect this masks "I don't know what it is.")
"No problem." (It should never be a problem to do your job.)
"I'm just saying."
Synthesizing new verbs simply by adding the -ize suffix, e.g. "incentivize".
"Circle Back" (As in, once you have completed this project, circle back and we'll go over it. Really? I can't just "get back to you"? You want me to literally do a circle dance first!)
"Please find enclosed..." (Am I being told it is enclosed because they assume I am blind?)
ASAP (makes me want to scream! Please give me a real date.)
Notice how irked our readers were with these phrases. I think this is not merely because they hear them too often. Business communication is human to human communication. Hiding behind meaningless, bantered-about terms makes your reader feel ignored, disconnected, and talked down.
Business writers are sometimes hesitant to let their own personalities shine in their writing. That is a mistake. Use your natural writer's voice and your own words.
That is real authenticity.
Error: Hunt and Correct
This paragraph contains an error. Find and correct it.
Budgets were reduced by 15% in 2009, yet our workload increased 34%. Even with the increased workload, I shouldn't of hired additional staff.
The answer is here.
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(Issue 23: October, 2009) by
Mary Cullen
Rep. Bruce Braley (D-Iowa) is pushing government agencies toward concise business writing with proposed legislation that would require them to use plain language. The bill, entitled The Plain Language Act of 2009, defines plain language as language "that the intended audience can readily understand and use because it is clear, concise, well-organized."
Bloat may soon be outlawed in government documents! Refreshing.
The government website, plainlanguage.gov
encourages the use of clear communications by providing before and after examples of government writing. You can see original documents and the same, more easily understood information after it was translated into plain language.
Check out the example of a Medicare Fraud Letter:
Before
Investigators at the contractor will review the facts in your case and decide the most appropriate course of action. The first step taken with most Medicare health care providers is to reeducate them about Medicare regulations and policies. If the practice continues, the contractor may conduct special audits of the providers medical records. Often, the contractor recovers overpayments to health care providers this way. If there is sufficient evidence to show that the provider is consistently violating Medicare policies, the contractor will document the violations and ask the Office of the Inspector General to prosecute the case. This can lead to expulsion from the Medicare program, civil monetary penalties, and imprisonment.
After
We will take two steps to look at this matter: We will find out if it was an error or fraud.
We will let you know the result.
3 Tips to Eliminate Bloat in Your Writing
Focus on verbs: They are the action of a sentence, and the best opportunity to enhance clarity.
Imagine watching a Bruce Willis movie that shows Bruce napping or knitting or whittling on a park bench for 90 minutes... Bored yet? So too are readers if your writing has little action or wimpy verbs.
#1) You will cut at at least 25% of your bloat, if you do not smother verbs.
#2) Avoid adverbs. Choose powerful verbs that connote meaning, as well as action, which don't need a second word to do their job! For instance:
- "The attendant shouted loudly."
- "The attendant shouted," is a perfect sentence. "Loudly" is inferred and unneeded.
- "The executive ran quickly into the boardroom."
- "Ran quickly" is wasteful. Pick a better verb. "The executive sprinted into the boardroom" is concise and preferable.
#3) Short and Sweet: Write to express, not to impress. Recognize the power of
short words.
Error: Hunt and Correct
This paragraph contains an error. Find and correct it.
Year-end accounting review begins November 15. Last year, Sammy Alden looked at our books and came up with some terrific savings, after seeing some waste. Should we book Sammy for another review?
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(Issue 15: February, 2009) by Mary Cullen
Why is so much business writing inscrutable? After all, its function is to convey information to grow business, so surely we want to connect with our reader and present clear, easily understood documents that readers can readily act on.
This issue looks at clarity, the essential ingredient that links writing to your company's revenue.
Because bloated, overwritten business language is so common, there are many terms to describe it: balderdash, poppycock, claptrap, bunk, rubbish, waffle, drivel, fluff, deadwood, gobbledygook and jargon.
David Meerman Scott, author of the New Rules for Marketing and PR, working with Factiva, analyzed 388,000 news releases over a nine-month period. The results were astounding:
"Next generation" was used 9,895 times!
There were over 5,000 uses of these beaten-to-death terms: "flexible," "robust," "world class," and "scalable." Other notably overused phrases were: "cutting edge," "mission critical," "market leading," "industry standard," "turnkey," "groundbreaking," "interoperable," "best of breed," and "user friendly."
Humor columnist, Nancy Crochiere, just published a very funny column about returning to corporate work after working as a freelancer for ten years, encountering new jargon:
I've noticed that almost everything in the business world has to be "leveraged." If you're not busy leveraging something, you're not doing your job. Whenever I talk to my boss, I make sure to use the word "leverage" at least once in every conversation, and it seems to keep me employed.
In addition, whenever our department has something new to present, like a new procedure or policy, we say we're going to "roll it out," as if it were some kind of enormous pie crust. This is an image I like, especially right after lunch.
While in the process of rolling out and leveraging, however, it's important that we have "transparency" - meaning, I guess, that everyone knows what you're rolling and leveraging. It took me almost three years to learn all this.
Other terms ready for retirement are:
- Synergy
- Starting a dialog (can't we just talk?)
- Thinking outside the box
- Best practices
- Paradigm shift
How to Stop This Bloat
Most overwritten business documents are written to impress, rather than to communicate. Instead,- Envision your audience. Create a persona of them in your mind.
- Shape your content based on what this audience wants or needs to know.
- Use language that matches this audience.
Tip:
Remember these five rules from George Orwell's "Politics and the English Language:"
- Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
- Never use a long word where a short one will do.
- If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
- Never use the passive where you can use the active.
- Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
Do you recognize this company, from its corporate overview page?
[Company X] has remained faithful in its commitment to producing unparalleled entertainment experiences based on its rich legacy of quality creative content and exceptional storytelling. Today, [Company X] is divided into four major business segments...Each segment consists of integrated, well-connected businesses that operate in concert to maximize exposure and growth worldwide.
This is a lot of jargon to describe Disney!
Business Writing Grammar Error: Hunt and Correct
Rewrite this bloated paragraph into three words:
It is the opinion of the group assembled for the purpose of determining a probability of the likelihood of the meteorological-related results and outcome for the period encompassing the next working day that the odds of precipitation in the near-term are positive and reasonably expected.
The answer is here.
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(Issue 11: October, 2008) by Mary Cullen
Economic news this past month has been daunting world-wide. Declining revenue and job loss is echoed across all media, and it is easy to become worried and disheartened.
However, there is opportunity, also, for those businesses that sharpen skills and messages and keep focused on core values.
"Focus on the user and all else will follow."
- Google's First Point of Corporate Philosophy
In this issue, let's look at the most important quality of business writing that drives business.
A blog for a company that helps businesses incorporate social networks into their marketing efforts entitled a post, "Facebook for Those Over 40" with a tagline, "For Over the Hill Idiots."
This is best bad example I've seen lately about failing to connect with your audience.
In all business documents, the very first consideration is always: Who is my audience? What do they know, what are their biases, what are their motivations, what is their likely reaction, what are their fears? Based on this answer, content for the document is shaped.
Let's examine where this message fails:
Who would be the likely market for a consultancy that helps businesses incorporate social media into their marketing (Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Delicious, etc.)?
Very likely, the typical customer is new to social networks, or they wouldn't be seeking the service. The demographic group least engaged in social networks is over 40 (although that's changing very fast). Or, they're people who have just not had reason to engage in social networks yet.
In either situation, they are not familiar with Facebook, so they are probably tentative, skeptical, and possibly even fearful. They would need guidance and reassurance and evidence that this writer can help them overcome their fears and obstacles.
This title fails because it is insulting, the tone is full of snark, and most egregious, it repels the target audience.
How could this same message engage its audience, and drive business?
1) Envision your audience. Who would be the likely client for these services? Write directly to them.
• The audience in this situation is business people unfamiliar with social networks.
2) What is this audience's knowledge and motivation?
• I want to market my business better.
• I know my business inside and out, but I don't understand social networks or how they work.
• I want to grow my business.
3) What is this audience's fear?
• I've missed the bus.
• Everyone is already using Facebook for personal use, and now businesses are incorporating this successfully to grow. I don't know how it works.
• I'm inexperienced. I'll sign on and not know how to navigate. I'll post incorrect information.
• It will be obvious I don't know what I'm doing.
• I will damage my business reputation.
• I'll embarrass myself.
What is a better title for this message to help alleviate this audience's fear and help them achieve goals?
- Facebook Provides an Opportunity to Promote Your Business, But You Don't Know Where to Begin? Five Steps to Unlock this Market for Your Business.
Much better, than:
- Facebook for Those Over 40; for Over the Hill Idiots.
Always, business writing is about shaping documents so they meet your audience's needs, not the writer's perspective.
Business to business communication is really person to person communication. Business writing needs to drive business by providing relevant information. To do this, we need to shape our words with audience empathy and perspective - to draw them in to our message. If they aren't listening, they'll never hear the content.
Business Grammar Error Hunt: Find and Correct
This one paragraph contains an error. Find and correct it:
It's time to take stock of fiscal issues. I am sorry to report travel budgets will be frozen for the remainder of this fiscal year. Energy costs have exceeded planned allocation, and the company needs to conserve it's assets.
The answer is here.
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